Hello this is the Theatre Loving Fairy...I'm back! Sorry for not posting for months, but now I'm actually gonna focus more on musical movies than stage shows for a while since I have other things to focus on. Also, I'm gonna revamp the blog so don't be surprised in the future! I might go and see Once and I intend on seeing Miss Saigon next year, but besides that, I have no other plans of seeing any other musicals! Well, on with what I'd like to call the worst attempt of a mixing pop and country into a movie for pre-teen girls, Hannah Montana the Movie! Yes, I consider this a musical so shut up and let's review this piece of shit!

Hannah Montana the Movie
Rating: * (this is me being nice, believe it or not!)
Cast: Miley Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus (both of whom can't act to save their lives), Haley Joel Osment's inferior sister, that guy from Metro Station's brother
Don't care about the rest of the cast (actually I care about none of them) moving on!
Here's the plot: Miley Stewart is struggling with her double life as Hannah Montana & her personal life as Miley which leads her to ruining best friend Lilly's My Super Sweet 16 style birthday party by upstaging her as Hannah, so her dad makes her do a 'Hannah detox' at her hometown Crowley Corners (what a creative name, huh?) full of bland & annoying people who for some reason have a hostility towards malls which could help their dwindling economy! There's a love angle with Miley & some cowboy guy which is contrived, bland & unnecessary like the entire movie!

Yes, this is an actual scene from the movie!

And there's another love angle with Billy Ray and Jan from The Office which Miley supports even though she wasn't happy when he dated a real estate agent in the show since she thought he was replacing her mother (yeah, I had a phase of liking it when I was 10 so my brain wasn't as prepared to realize it's a piece of shit)! And there's ANOTHER plot (see a theme?) involving some guy trying to find out Hannah's secret & follows her to Crowley Corners which contributes nothing to the main story! The ending is dumb & stupid, why?! BECAUSE EVERYONE REJECTS MILEY AND WANTS HANNAH AFTER SHE BEARS HER SOUL TO EVERYONE WITH A CRAPPY POP SONG!! Seriously, they want superficiality and lies, not Miley to be herself! WORST ENDING EVER!!

The chicken of the far left must've known this would be crap!

OK, the acting is atrocious & almost every character can't seem to tell that Miley is Hannah despite Hannah having a different hair colour & wear ugly Barbie clothes! It's what everyone notices, put the blonde wig on & you become Hannah Montana! OK, back to the acting! Like I said, Miley conveys no emotion whatsoever & she's just selfish throughout & doesn't change at all, making the whole movie entirely pointless! The cowboy boyfriend is just boring a love interest with no personality & the rest are just stereotypes with no personality & I do not care for!

Worst dance scene in a movie ever!

Now onto the songs...which are BAD! Worst one has got to be Hoedown Throwdown mixing country, pop, hip-hop & RnB together with an awful dance trying to be the Tim Warp! The Climb is just cliched & about nothing trying so hard to be like Britney Spears' I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet a Woman which is equally as bad! The rest are forgettable, so I'm not gonna bother going over them!
Overall....HANNAH MONTANA THE MOVIE IS CRAP! I recommend avoiding it, it's a waste of 90 minutes with a washed down moral, an awful ending, atrocious songs & bland characters who can't act to save their lives!