Dance of the Vampires: A Nightmare That Bites the Dust

Based on the Roman Polanski's 1967 satire The Fearless Vampire Killers, the 1997 Austrian stage adaptation Tanz Der Vampire is still considered a classic around Eastern Europe. I know it's easy to joke that musicals based on vampire related media are terrible, but it's easy to see why Tanz succeeds: The story is a mix of romantic, hilarious and gothic while subverting and indulging Hammer movie cliches, the music has lyrics that are Sondheim levels of witty with awesome rock melodies (and yes, Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart is used) and the characters are surprisingly endearing while satirizing their stereotypical roles. It's pure camp and I bloody love it (no pun intended) and really hoping I find a way to see it some day despite the language barrier. The Broadway version...? Well, that's our topic for today.

An English adaptation of Tanz was announced in 1998 following its success in Austria after producers wanted to bring it to English speaking audiences. Initially planned for a West End run (which I honestly think would've been a better choice given that we Brits are more forgiving to cheesy rock operas with elaborate dancing), composer Jim Steinman believed Broadway would be a better route because of his background in New York theatre. Given that Polanski directed the German stage version and wasn't risking getting arrested for reasons I'd rather not address if he ever set foot in the US, Steinman announced he'd step in, a surprise considering the show had already been delayed from 1998 to 2001. Oh, and he never directed a musical before, let alone one of a massive scale.

 With an autumn 2001 release planned, Steinman and manager/producer David Sonenberg brought in co-director John Caird and playwright David Ives to write the book, leading to the show's biggest change: the tone. Or specifically, the comedy from subtle satire to a Mel Brooks over the top style where Steinman stated "we were told to put five jokes of every page." Why you may ask? Because apparently the original musical's style of storytelling wasn't considered acceptable for Broadway audiences...proven false when invitation-only audiences hated the new comedy. With Elizabeth Williams and Anita Waxman joining as producers, Steinman realized his and the creative team's visions for the show weren't working to the point he told the press ""I can't tell you how many things are the opposite of what I want, but I am part of a team". Firing Williams and Waxman as things got more heated from it's looming release and struggling to come up with investment money, you'd think things would get better if Steinman got his way, right?

Deciding a star lead would bring in investors, a number of people were considered to play Graf von Krolock including John Travolta, Placido Domingo and David Bowie. Ultimately, Michael Crawford was cast (ironic considering Steve Barton originated von Krolock in Vienna). However, that came with a big price. Considering he starred in a little production you might have heard of called Phantom of the Opera and lost the part in the upcoming film adaptation to Antonio Banderas (which obviously eventually went to Gerard Butler), he demanded creative control over Krolock to avoid similarities if he was sticking around for his planned three year contract. Simple enough, right?  Except he also demanded $180,000 salary a week (later claimed to be false and went down to $30,000) and the option to reprise the role in London and LA along with any film adaptation of the show. Also helping out with the book to add in more comedy, it got to the point that Ives felt like he was a stenographer than a writer. However, in reality, it was more adding in a "continental accent" and costume changes as the comedic tone was already evidenced in workshops. With rehearsals starting in January 2001 with a planned April 2002 release after 6 weeks of previews, things would finally run smooth for the show, right?

Except for one problem:

Yep.
Given that this was a comedy involving murderous vampires, it wouldn't have been the most appropriate musical to open in New York at the time. With logistical problems as most of the production team were based in London, Steinman announced the show would be delayed (again...) to October 24th 2002. With this delay, the crew finally had time to find other producers, investors and set designer David Gallo (who's designed sets for Memphis and Thoroughly Modern Millie and was hired as Steinman claimed he was the only American set designer to subscribe to Heavy Metal Magazine). However, because of long distance issues and increasing frustrations from producers to see names associated with comedy at the helm, Steinman and Caird were replaced by John Rando as director. Oh, by the way, he never directed a show like this either.

So with everything from the start being a huge mess, it's probably not a surprise when I say that rehearsals weren't without issue either. New choreographer John Carrafa just told cast members to "rock on" during the dance numbers, John Rando's mother died during production and had to be sidelined leading to no definite creative head for previews, co-author of the original production Michael Kunze felt it was too late to make changes he hated when brought in as consultant and Crawford insisted more comedic elements for Krolock while cast members secretly made fun of his weight sensitive costumes. Oh yeah, and some cast members left when they realized how much of a mess the whole thing was and Steinman stopped visiting the theatre possibly due to being fired and acknowledging the show was at war with itself to the press.

With previews (yet again opening late because of technical issues) doing decently in the box office thanks to Michael Crawford's name attached, other cast members included Mandy Gonzalez as Sarah in her Broadway debut, Max von Essen as Alfred (whose careers would mercifully improve after this), Rene Auberjonois as Professor Abronsius, Asa Somers as Herbert, Liz McCartney as Rachel, Ron Orbach as Chagal and Leah Hocking as Magda. So after the turmoil it lead to, Dance of the Vampires FINALLY opened on December 9th 2002 at the Minskoff Theatre, and well...

The show was panned for its clunky and tonally dissonant story, terrible humour and Crawford's performance. As for its financial losses? Oh boy...12 million dollars, eclipsing the notorious Carrie as Broadway's biggest financial flop. Number of performances it lasted? 56, as it closed on January 25th 2003. And to add insult to injury, Steinman didn't attend opening night, refuses to hear this production mentioned to this day and continues to bash it. So...this would almost guarantee an English adaptation would never happen again and should've been a reason why Roman Polanski was glad to be banned from the US.

How could I not use this gif?

While I find it a shame that an English version is likely never going to happen because of this mess (yep, watched a bootleg and it's painful with its obnoxious "DAMN IT, IT'S FUNNY" attitude and how much it ruined my favourite characters and musical numbers), my only recommendation is to watch the German version on youtube with English subtitles. Or somehow travel to Germany, Vienna or Austria if it happens to be running there after reading a wikipedia synopsis and make sure it has English subtitles on screens. Like I mentioned, the original show is still a darling around Europe, so the reasons why the Broadway version failed speak for itself. Nothing more, nothing less. Let's just ignore this turd and carry on loving the original.

Yeah...safe to say this sums up everyone's feelings towards the Broadway version.